So I am on week three of Celexa. Still breastfeeding…still have my down days (instead of weeks!)…but I can honestly say I am feeling more and more like me everyday.
When I wake up in the morning, I’m not exhausted and I can physically get my butt out of bed. And, even though I hate to say this, I am enjoying L more. I thought I was enjoying him before, but now I know that the little cloud over my head was really getting in the way of my ability to enjoy him as I should have been. I can sit and play with him for hours without feeling bored or like I should be doing something else. We laugh and tickle and genuinely have a good time. The amazement is back.
He says “Dada” and “Mama” purposely now. Or he always did I didn’t notice it or light up whenever “Mama” came out of his mouth. I do now. I think he feels closer to me now too. Instead of another person to take care of, I now think of him as my little buddy I want around. I hate to admit that I felt that way…but now I know it wasn’t me – it was those darn chemicals.
I have also noticed that my friends and family aren’t afraid to talk to me or relax around me now. My mother and I are getting along better now. My sister doesn’t walk on eggshells, and my husband doesn’t feel like his going to hurt my feelings unintentionally anymore (well he does to a point, because of that whole ‘owning a vagina’ thing, but it’s not a constant on his mind).
I have been enjoying L so much, that I have actually been thinking about #2 already. So many bloggers I know have shown up pregnant that I feel a little envious… I wonder what a pregnancy is like without depression? But for now, I am going to wait until L is atleast 18 months old to start again. First thing is first – Lose this baby fat!
Who am I kidding, I was 200 pounds before I was pregnant. Luckily I am below that now, but not far. Oregon made me fat! Oregon!! Your food is tooo good! When I was pregnant, I actually lost weight, the most I weighed was 209 and I started at 200.
But I am serious, this next year will be devoid of fast food and full of exercise and healthy food. A lifestyle change is what I need. What we need. I don’t want L to grow up thinking that the four food groups end in izza, urger, aco, and ookies.
I say all this as I sit here and eat a bag of hershey kisses. It’s Christmas!! Don’t judge me!!
…….
………ya heard me!
(nom nom nom)
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