So after much consideration, soul searching, and many many conversations – my husband and I decided to raise L as an only. Why the sudden change of heart?
1. I realized that I was just missing that one year of babyhood that L had. The breastfeeding. The bean bag days. I forgot about the sleepless nights, the postpartum depression, having no energy – how am I supposed to do all that and chase after a 2 year old? I could hardly get off the couch when I was pregnant, let alone take care of a little one. Sure. It makes me sound like a wimp. But I know my limits. L deserves to have a fully active mama, and when I am pregnant, I have so many problems that I end up beached on a recliner.
2. When I was growing up, it was hard for my parents to give equal attention to me and my sister. It was also hard for my husbands parents to divide it up between him and his 3 sisters. When I was 14, and my sister moved out, I finally got to have a close relationship with my mom and dad. Not that I was ignored, or neglected – my parents just had their hands full with my sister since she was the…um…more “outgoing” one. And Matt, well, his parents used to forget to pick him up from practice and didn’t even notice when he ran away for a week. I want to give L the attention that he deserves, and that we always wished we had.
3. I need to keep the peace in my home. No bickering siblings. No sibling rivalry. My sister and I HATED each other growing up. Frankly, having someone there to bug you isn’t that appealing. He won’t miss out on it, having a friend that leaves it a lot better than having one that never does and ends up getting on your nerves anyway.
4. We want to give our child the best life possible. We want to pay for his college, give him awesome christmases, and birthdays. We want to take him on trips to Disney, and eventually to Ireland and visit Europe. We want to buy him a car that he doesn’t have to share and be able to keep up the lifestyle we currently have. In this economy, too, you can never be so comfortable. If anything were to happen to my husbands job – having two mouths to feed instead of one? Stressful. We’ve had enough things happen to us job wise to know that you can’t get to comfortable. And the way our jobs are, both working from home, having two kids running around- it would be impossible to get anything done. And paying for daycare for two? Forget it. It wouldn’t make sense for me to work at that point because my salary would go just for childcare.
5. And, last but not least – We spent a LONG time trying to conceive L, and when he came our lives were complete. He completes our family. We couldn’t ask for a better baby, and we are sooo proud of him. If he ever asks us why we didn’t give him a sibling, we can tell him this: You were everything we could ever want, and so we chose you and just you. You made our lives complete!
So L will be our only. And the blog will start address this, as I think there is a boom in raising an only because of the same reasons in this country. I don’t look down on those of you who have 2, 3 or 4 – If you can do it emotionally and physically well, good for you! I just know that I cannot, and I am not afraid to admit it.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s great that you weighed the pros and cons of having a second child and as long as you both are happy with the decision that’s all that truly matters. I think this is something that most parents have to go through and you set a great example of how, while it may not have been easiest conclusion to come to, it’s what works best for you.
Congratulations on your decision : )
K
NewParent.com
I agree totally. I have been going through the same debate as well. For all the reasons you mentioned, I am having a hard time deciding too. I want to give my little girl all my attention, she can’t even stand for me to spend time with friends. Just imagine, a baby ?! Just kidding, I know they adjust.
I am having that wanting a baby feeling too, especially if I get a chance to hold one. But like you, I don’t think I can handle a three year old and a baby. I am just not that talented
Kudos to you for speaking the truth!
Very well stated! We (more me than the hubs) have decided for pretty much the same reasons you listed to raise B as an only. Having 2 the same age would be fun, but I cannot do the baby stage again!