I hesitate to write this, because of it’s sensitive nature, and my tendency to gloss over important things when they scare me or when I feel like I will be judged or accused of something. But, it is something we are going through and the need to feel not alone is overwhelming right now in the face of this. So, since it is my blog, this is my support system, and because if you judge me for writing about this then you aren’t apart of my support system and should just not read this anyway – here goes:

Monday we are finally approaching EL’s pediatrician about an autism diagnosis.

If you are a long time reader, you have obviously read my posts about some of EL’s difficulties, including his communication skills, eating habits, and other behavioral aspects of what make him, well, EL. In light of his third birthday, we feel it is time to address the symptoms he displays and learn what we can do to help him navigate through them, learn about how he sees the world, and understand him a little better. Our pediatrician has been hesitant about declaring anything or moving forward until this point, citing that many 1-2 year old behaviors can be misdiagnosed. But now that he is older, and as I see other children progressing in ways that he is not – I am in “help my baby” mode, and I’ve done enough research at this point where I am ready to admit to the fact that there is something different about EL. Of course, there is no denying that he is darn special.

How am I feeling at this moment? Scared. Stupid. Sad. Excited. I’m scared because I don’t know what comes next. Scared that I have been doing it all wrong, and scared (as irrational as it is) that I am to blame somehow. I feel stupid because I don’t know anything about this. Sad because I don’t want him to feel different. I felt different my entire life, and when you know the dark road that can lead you down you don’t wish it upon your children. Excited because I can’t wait to understand him a little better, and excited to see him grow from this point on.

I would get mad when others would point things out about him that didn’t quite fit the definition of normal out of the fact that I was always singled out, always taking note, but getting more defensive than concerned.

Why? We didn’t really know any other way. EL is our first baby, when you haven’t had a child that who wasn’t a little quirky it doesn’t seem weird that your 1 year old likes to spin things, that your two year old can read but not tell you what he wants, or that your 3 year old doesn’t come running when you call his name. You can’t fault us for waiting, and following his doctors advice and not pushing the issue.

I have been feeling a change coming for months now – and in a way I think it was me finally coming to terms and realizing that I need to push for this. I need to get him what he needs. It’s time to move forward. Time to bring him into focus. Wish us luck.

I know that I’m not alone, and if anyone who has gone through this would like to take me by the hand – please do. I need to learn everything I can!

That nest I wrote about for Mother’s Day? Has four perfect little blue eggs in it today. Amazing!

I love this blog. I love what it has become, and what it’s going to be, and how much I am going to enjoy it in the future.

I love living in “The Future”.

Remember when we were kids, and they told us about how digital our lives would become and how far off it seemed? Right now, I have the power to take photos, videos, chat with anyone in the world, conduct business and never leave my children’s side. How wonderful is that?

I am often accused of being a nerd, a geek about blogging and sharing my life with others. But, it isn’t for attention. I seriously don’t know what state of mind I would be in right now if I didn’t have these ways of communicating with other adults throughout the day. When I wake up, I make my toddler breakfast, sit at the table with my phone and read my twitter stream – much like our parents would read the paper – and chat with other parents across the country doing the same thing. At night, after I tuck my children in after a long wonderful day of being a mom, I finally get to open my laptop and chronicle my day, my children’s lives and plan for the future. The immediate satisfaction of being able to keep in touch with all of you is immense.

Lately, I have been busy with non-digital things (I almost typed real-life things, but my blog is my real life too!) like a teething child, understanding my son better, freelance projects – but the comfort of knowing that if I do post but once or twice when I have a busy week is okay, really helps me.

I have now been officially blogging on this domain for 3 years, and I thank you all for being my Mom’s group, my good friends, my support. For embracing me and my family and not just being a hobby. You are my lifeline. You are my extended family. I care very deeply for each and every reader, commenter, mom, non-mom, and daddy who takes time out of their day to read my words.

Thank You! Thank You! Here we go onto year number 4…

Welcome to Summer Splash hosted by Life With Two Boys, With Our Best, and Bella So Savvy! This event begins on May 14, 2012 at 12:01am EST and will end on May 27, 2012 at 11:59pm EST.

Over 100 blogs have come together to bring you some amazing prizes to help you kick off your summer… with a SPLASH! Each blog is giving away at least $25 worth of prizes, plus we have an awesome grand prize for one very lucky winner. Be sure to hop along to each of the participating blogs because the more giveaways you enter, the more chances you have at winning the Grand Prize!

So what’s this Grand Prize we’re talking about? Thanks to Kid’s Creations one very lucky winner is going to win a Two Ring Adventure Playset valued at $3,598! Made from the highest quality Redwood and loaded with fun activities, this swing set is sure to make this summer one to remember! (Please note that the grand prize is only open to residents of the Continental United States and does not include assembly/installation.)

Enter the Grand Prize!

Win a $25 Amazon GiftCode from Meg’s a Mommy!

My giveaway contribution is a $25 Amazon Giftcode to spend any way you want! Enter below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The winter had been so mild, so there wasn’t the usual mud and muck associated with an almost-spring day. Needing some fresh air, I took EL out into the backyard to explore. I enjoyed watching him look at the greening grass, picking up sticks, throwing around pebbles, touching the bark of the tree – his curiosity was infectious. We checked out everything. As he took my hand and led me around to show me his treasures, he suddenly pointed up and called out, “Nest!”

We haven’t had the chance to really work on the backyard area since moving in 4 years ago and having two children and two jobs – so we never took down the decorations that came with the house, undoubtedly put there by the realtor trying to make the back deck area more appealing. I never really looked at the planters hung up and stuffed with fake flowers never having a plan of what to replace them with. But now, to my surprise – it looked like someone had built a home.

I grabbed a chair to hop up onto and take a look. As I explored the now, empty nest, I told EL about how a robin probably built that nest last year to lay her eggs into and when the babies were old enough, they left for the winter. I could see him processing the information. He loves to learn. So do I, and that night I looked up a robins nesting habits. I read that a robin lays 3-7 light blue eggs that are incubated for 12-14 days. In 14-16 days, the babies leave the nest, and next spring the cycle continues…

I teared up. Here, I am in the same place building a home for my babies, just as this robin built this nest – little by little and twig by twig – only to have one month in spring to care for them. It seems so quick. So much hard work put in and mothering for such a short time…

Then it dawned on me -

My babies are in my nest right now. It’s going by way too fast.

This spring will quickly turn into winter someday soon. I shutter to think about when they aren’t little anymore. Sometimes it feels like this is going to last forever, but my god it isn’t. Heck, it’s changed from how it was only a year ago. They are getting older, I am getting older, and time is literally slipping from my hands.

So, when I am having a bad day, or feeling overwhelmed, I always try to remember that someday I will be yearning for these days: When she is small enough to snuggle without running away. When he still looks at me like I am his hero, When she tugs at my shirt when she is sleeping just to bring me closer, and when he still stops and holds still to lean over and give me a “smooch”. Their giggles, and holding hands, nursery rhymes and silly songs. Waking me up at night just for a hug. Calling out ‘mama’ when they are upset, because only I can make them feel safe…

This is my spring.

I never moved that nest, and now it is being built up again with wet mud – another mother robin ready to be a mama. Another mama getting ready to do the most important thing she will ever do in her life. I hope she enjoys it.

I know I am.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Being a mom, I can deal with poop and pee – even puke: but boogers gross me the hell out!! I feel like I have been bathing in them since Monday! =D

After getting through the whole winter with only a cold or two – the flu has finally hit IN MAY. Poor EL woke up after a nap on Monday with a fever, runny/stuffed up nose, and crying his eyes out. He’s still feeling pretty rough here on Thursday – but his fever isn’t as high.

Of course there isn’t anything you can give a three year old to help him as much as Nyquil helps us when we feel like that. But, through all of this I have fell in love with Similasan’s Kids Cold and Mucus Relief. It’s homeopathic and clears his nose right up and makes him feel a little bit more human.

I’m really freaking out about EM getting it. I got the flu shot when I had her, so I am hoping that helps her out from getting the antibodies in my breast milk. She does have a runny nose today – hoping it’s just from teething, though.

ARGH!!! I HATE THAT THIS WINTER WAS SOOO MILD!!! I have a feeling sickness is going to be easy to come by since it didn’t freeze all that much. Darn germs.

I know, boring post – but that’s what I have been dealing with all week. That and not sleeping much, with EM waking up every two hours and EL waking up wanting a warm bath at 2 a.m. to feel better. Feeling completely run down and in the trenches this week!!

Any tips for getting through this flu unscathed? I guess I should be thankful that he didn’t have it for his birthday!!

My little boy turned 3 on Saturday. We didn’t have a party.

Why?

Well, EL isn’t the birthday party type. In fact, he isn’t the party type at all. He get’s overwhelmed by large gatherings, and whenever there is one he usually hides in his room, or, if we are somewhere else, he will invade someone else’s bedroom and bunk up. I don’t blame him, really, as I was never the birthday party type either. In fact I remember asking my mom to stop throwing me uncomfortable parties – I never liked being the center of attention (but that is another post) – and she stopped at my request. Why should you be uncomfortable on your birthday?

So I applied the same thing to EL. I stopped planning that themed birthday party, as it was more for everyone else. After this last year of having a big pregnant mom who could hardly chase him around, and then his life changing when his little sister came into the world – EL deserved a nice day, all about him, that was just for him.

So we packed everyone up, and met at the Detroit Zoo!

It was lovely. We had perfect weather, it was 68 degrees, all sun, and a slight breeze. All of the animals came out to play, accept the Polar Bears which was a bummer, but he got to see his favorite animal: Araffe! (Or, Giraffe for everyone else). In fact, he was singing his giraffe song while pointing to the giraffes. He didn’t panic, he didn’t hide, and everyone got to love on him! It was wonderful, and though little man doesn’t communicate so much, his constant smile was enough of an indication that this was the best birthday he’s ever had.

It really warmed my heart to see him so very happy, and feeling safe around his family. I’m getting choked up right now just thinking about it…

I now have a three year old. Three years ago I became a Mom. Your first always holds a special place in your heart…he taught me and is still teaching me so many things about love, and life… and in many ways, he saved me from myself. They really do come into your life at the right time, even when the circumstances aren’t perfect. You will never be exactly who you want to be, financially or spiritually before you have children… they complete you. Well…not financially, but you mama’s know what I mean.

I can’t wait to see how much he grows this year. He does or says something new to amaze me everyday, and brings a smile to my face constantly.

I love you so very much EL… you will never know how much! Happy Birthday to one of my bestest friends in the whole world! <3

This week, something amazing happened…

EL decided that EM was pretty cool.

I don’t know what exactly went down between those two, but he has been loving on her all week. We went from him occasionally acknowledging her existence with a slight kiss or giggle – to him asking to hold her, cuddling up to her while she is in her bouncy chair and grabbing her hands to teach her to clap.

They have this secret giggle language, too. He’ll come up to her and start to giggle, then she cracks up and LOSES HER MIND. They both end up rolling on the floor (this usually happens during her tummy/trying to crawl time) red in the face with laughter.

Baby girl is soaking it all up too. She wants to learn to crawl so she can run after him sooo sooo badly. I think I may get her one of those walking contraptions so she practice…

But, yeah, I guess EL finally figured out she could be fun to play with — and my heart has been full all week watching them interact – FINALLY!

I’m having trouble with something.

I can’t seem to find the right “Mean-Mom” voice. You know the one – the one that is commanding, stops any kid in their tracks and “means business”. I thought I had one, but every one tells me its something I need to work on.

But here is the thing: I don’t want to yell at my kids. I don’t feel like it does any good, or makes them listen any better if my volume is louder than usual. It doesn’t garner any more respect. It doesn’t make me seem more in charge.

Plus, I’m just not good at being mean. I don’t want to be a yeller.

I do prefer to use “the look”. Where if EL is doing something he isn’t supposed to, and looking at me because he knows he shouldn’t… then I can do the look and he stops. Sometimes I point a finger and he stops. I don’t dwell on it though, and if he stops I always say thank you.

Of course, if EL is doing something that might result in injury, like oh I don’t know, trying to climb INTO the television — I seem to find it then – but I don’t thinks it’s the ‘mean mom’ voice, its more of a STOP!! Alarming voice.

I’m new to this whole discipline thing…What do you think?

Do you have a Mean Mom voice? Do you yell at your kids?

Teenagers can be hard enough to please – imagine, then, if their hero is the super-sultry, vamp-tastic Edward Cullen, and their heroine is the über-mope Bella LeStrange. If your child, niece, cousin or grandson loves Twilight, it can be a real challenge to get something they’ll love for their birthday.

It’s time to use your initiative. Luckily, the trend for unconventional and un-dead has inspired lots of different brands and lines so there’s more choice than you might think when it comes to getting a gruesomely good gift.

For instance, younger boys and ghouls might appreciate something fabulously freaky from the popular Monster High range. This range of books, accessories and fashion dolls are based on teen characters with a monstrous twist: they’re all the sons and daughters of famous fiends, werewolves and vampires.

The figurines come with diaries in which they can write stories – which are a great idea: Monster High recognizes that one of the best things about the vampire trend is the scope for fantasy. There’s plenty of old-style, leather-effect journals out there which would be perfect for a young Vampire; they’ll love creating drawings, plots and ‘I heart Edward’ doodles in their own solemn gothic tome.

So far, so good – but if your child is older, they might become a bit more demanding. As a rule of thumb, teens are trickier to buy for anyway; at this age the chances are they’ve got pocket money to spend, so it’s much more difficult to find something they don’t already have. Dark, lacy clothes, werewolf posters and the box set of Twilight DVDs are out, then.

Why not combine their particular interest in vampires with something which all teens enjoy: decorating their personal space. They’re at an age where they’re beginning to value privacy and starting to define themselves by customizing everything in sight, so there’s no better way to show you appreciate their choices and have been paying attention to their interests than getting them something natty for their bedroom.

There are plenty of simple decorations available out there which could contribute to a Vampiric theme: think bedding in dark fabrics, plasma lamps, candlesticks and cool antique-looking objects.

Teen girls in particular love to be surrounded by pictures of their close friends and family – think about innovative, gothic-style ways to present photographs and then give your child some framing options in a package with a disposable camera. The only problem is, of course, her Vampire friends might not appear in the pics once they’ve been developed…